Hurt
by Wedjatqi
Summary: Teyla may be with Kanaan, but that doesn't stop people wanting more, thinking about more, and maybe even challenging traditions that others would not entertain. J/T. M Rating. Written for the Beya Summer Break Prompt Battle. COMPLETE
1. Unfair

**Warnings: **Angst filled, depressing at times, and contains sexual content.

**Disclaimers**: I own no part of the Stargate world, and I make no money from this, so on and so forth, only my ideas are mine etc…

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**Note: **Instead of writing a single short fic for one of the prompts at the Beya Summer Break Prompt Battle, I felt a pattern to several of them and decided to write a fic with each chapter being inspired by a different prompt, but telling one story overall. The title of each chapter is the prompt that inspired it.

**Note2 and Warning:** The premise of this fic is to look at Teyla's relationship with Kanaan in season 5 and beyond, and consider what if her choice in staying with him was ruled more by Athosian tradition. Family values in traditions and expectations might be far stronger for Athosians than was seen on screen. This idea, and historical movies I have seen recently, inspired this fic. Also, I've clearly been listening to far too much Johnny Cash lately. Please make sure to note the warnings above and the rating of this fic, it is M for a good reason.

**Also: **As this fic is complete and the chapters are quite short to begin with, I'm just going to post it as quickly as possible, but please be aware that each chapter stands alone and was drawn each from a Beya prompt. I humbly ask that any reviews could be on each chapter in turn, because the story will unfold dramatically with each following chapter.

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**Unfair**

He knew it was his own fault.

It hadn't been important years ago, they had simply been teammates and friends, and he hadn't wanted anything to complicate his life.

Danger, yes, violence and daring rescues yes, but he hadn't wanted anything else.

Life had finally made sense to him in Atlantis - life was about work, about making a difference, about killing monsters and protecting innocent people.

That was all he had wanted and, for the first time in his life, he had been contented.

He should have known that wouldn't last.

Maybe it was because he finally felt happy, that his life was rewarding, that there were no family pressures, no expectations, and no guilt from past mistakes or failures. The clean slate he had craved had been offered to him and it had worked out better than he ever would have expected.

Thing was, it had changed him in turn. His new life had snuck in under his skin and suddenly good friends, laughter, trust, and family had actually meant something and he had needed it. It had made him begin to wonder about more.

He had no idea when he had fallen in love with her, but by the time he had realised, it had been too late.

She had told them she was pregnant.

She had been seeing an Athosian guy and hadn't told anyone about it. Except Ronon hadn't been all that surprised to find out it had been Kanaan.

John hadn't had a clue, but then he had been too focused on enjoying his new working life, yet clinging to his past ideals and denials.

He had tired to be a good friend, to help her find her kid's father, and then Kanaan had been in the city and they were all happy together.

He had done his rescue bit, played the hero he tried to be, but this time the victory hadn't felt the same. Instead, he had wished that the new baby in his arms was his, and for the first time in his life, he had felt that deep vulnerability he had been trying to run from all his life. Losing Mom had been painful enough, being rejected by his family, divorced from Nancy who hadn't understood him and his choices, every friend and fellow soldier lost in the line of fire, every mistake, and the guilt of Afghanistan…they had all left a scar and now Teyla had left one just as deep.

He wished it didn't matter so much. That it was a passing phase, except that he spent so much time with her at work, spent so much time helping look after little Torren. Why couldn't he just get over it and move on?

Yeah, because it was likely that he would get two chances of a clean slate in one lifetime. He had been lucky to get the first one.

Truth was that the pain he felt at seeing them sitting together wasn't something he wanted to let go of just yet. For some sick reason he buried into that pain as he watched them smiling together across the Mess Hall, watched them pass Torren lovingly between them.

He would say life was unfair, but he knew he was just a coward, that he had run from the possibility of a connection with her. It was just unfair that he had realised what he wanted far too late to do anything about it…

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>TBC<p> 


	2. First Anniversary

**First Anniversary**

It had been a year since Torren's birth, a year since her rescue from Michael, since she had begged Kanaan and the Ancestors to save her son.

A year since her life had been altered so drastically.

A year of being a new family. Of being a mother, willingly putting her son above everything, and her continuing mission to fight the Wraith and protect her people a close second.

For her people had been struck so viciously by life, too many times sacrificed too much, but that fact had only driven her to continue her work with even more resolve. To see the greatly reduced numbers of her people, barely a fraction of the number there had been when she had been Torren's age, it made her even more determined to keep them alive.

Yet, the Athosians were a dying people.

There were enough to keep the camp going on New Athos, but, as a pure single people, the days of Old Athos were over. Already several families had left to live on other worlds, New Athos being too populated with the ghosts of those lost to Michael, leaving scars too deep to ignore. Of those left on New Athos, their children when grown would have to leave to seek out partners and have children of their own. The Athosians were a struggling, fading people.

Each night, Teyla prayed to the Ancestors, in which she had tentative faith now, that her people would endure.

At least in Torren, there was another new Athosian among the stars. And to keep that strong, she had stayed with Kanaan, being his chosen and living as close to an Athosian life as possible in Atlantis for their son's future. Each day she left on missions with her team to fight that danger between the stars, and each night she returned to her son's crib side, secure in the knowledge that for another day he was safe. Then she would climb into her bed, sometimes alone and sometimes with Kanaan, allowing a joining that was as much born of nostalgia than anything else.

One year of this life, purposeful, determined, still mostly traditionally Athosian, and yet, something inside ached. Far too often, when likely to be sitting alone with Kanaan, she found herself forming excuses to keep herself busy with her mission reports and assisting Mr Woolsey in trading negotiations.

It was not as if there was an alternative life for her, that she could see, yet when she was tired or feeling somewhat too reflective, her thoughts slipped from her control and she began to feel that there was more than her apparent perfect Athosian family life.

Of that other wistful life, she had no words to describe, no plans, and no security for her or for her son, only that it would remain a life linked with those of Earth. Beyond those times, the only true sense she had of it, were in the brief occasional moments in which she looked across a busy room and saw John watching her.

In that moment, and the aching hours afterwards, her feelings betrayed her with thoughts of trusting what was not secure, what was not of her people, what was not even offered. A simple empty whisper of imaginings - false ghosts, as the Wraith projected to distract their prey.

One year of sensing the echoes of her own emotional ghosts.

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>TBC<p> 


	3. Threesome

**Note: **I've tried to post this chapter about five times to LJ and Beya, but it appears that LJ is under attack again and unable to take some uploads, so I'm posting here ahead of LJ, sorry Camy, but it's not my fault!

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**Threesome**

Too long in one bed, too long with work and her son as her only focus.

Beyond her missions and Torren, she had no more to give, for she tightly regulated all her hours to work as hard as she could to go on missions, to be a mother, and to be a partner to Kanaan. It was what was expected of her.

It seemed to leave little time for the emotional connections that Kanaan wanted, and she understood his point. He understood her reasons why she was busy.

He understood and he asked for more.

His suggestion was acceptable among their people, sometimes, and especially so considering how few their people were left now. More Athosians were needed, and she had made it clear that she was not ready for another child yet.

Kanaan wanted another child, wanted to help their people, but she knew that it was also the need for more passion and warmth than she gave him. She had tried at first, tried to be the giving and skilled lover a woman was expected to be, but what had once existed as a brief few nights' of love shared between them had not extended beyond into their relationship. What had been friendship altered to passion briefly by grief, had been forced through the mould of partnership and family. The shape was there, but inside the moulded form it was hollow. They had tired to ignore that, to fill it, to live as best they could, but they both knew it was there. So, perhaps somewhere along the way it had become a case of pretending for others. To maintain appearances and live the traditions that were expected of them by others.

She had thought it was just on her side, but his suggestion had made it clear that he sensed the same. It was allowable, but hardly something she would have invited, for it made the mould of their partnership as empty as she had felt it before. She was to be included, he had promised, but it did not interest her. Yet, it was expected, and she would do her best to be the partner she was supposed to be.

Kanaan had chosen Korella, a woman slightly younger than Teyla, and also taller and with longer darker hair. She was a distant cousin of Halling's, and Teyla had known her all her life. It made the situation worse.

There was no official discussion, just an invitation for her to join them, passed to her by Kanaan. Teyla had no idea what Kanaan may have told her about his life in Atlantis. Perhaps he had told Korella about how Teyla preferred to have a separate bed and quarters from him in the city, how she decided which nights they slept together, and perhaps he told Korella about how Teyla controlled every aspect of their lives. Her work and caring for Torren was what drove her life and thus Kanaan's. Was that what he told the younger Athosian woman with bright sparkling eyes, clearly ready and very willing to answer any invitation Kanaan may offer her.

A festival was held one night, one of so many events for their people, now somewhat divided across other worlds, to bring everyone together and remember, celebrate and, in some cases, create more Athosians. Or was that simply Kanaan's reasonable excuse to share their bed with another?

However, Teyla's response to it was only the empty echo of dented pride rather than jealousy. Teyla walked to the festival with her head held high and lies in her head to help herself through the evening.

She had drunk far too much ruus wine that night, but in the past she had allowed herself one cup too many to help her relax for Kanaan's attentions, and for her to feel something other than duty, responsibility, and the drive to better at their lives.

The haze of warmth the ruus gave her allowed her to sit comfortably enough around one campfire, Kanaan's arm around her shoulders. He whispered occasional words of love, but they too echoed with hollowness for her now.

She saw the excited looks being exchanged between him and Korella.

Teyla had walked with Kanaan to their tent, allowing the ruus to let her mind wander. She imagined that the camp was as large as it used to be, that it was filled with all those now lost, and that the Athosians were strong and vital again.

That she loved Kanaan as she never had, and that she could have the strength to live the life she had created for herself.

She wished that the starlight overhead didn't hold a star around which Atlantis circled. A city filled with her life and one man who she struggled not to think about. A man who would never live in a tent, who would never ask for a child with her, who thought her practically married to Kanaan and would never ask if that was correct. A man who she wished she did not have to see each day in Atlantis, and yet a man who she wished she could spend far more time with.

She and Kanaan had prepared for bed as usual, though the world remained hazy to her through her ruus tinted view. She allowed that softness to fill her as Kanaan lifted her chin to kiss her lips, and she laid back across the bed to allow him to stroke his hands over her. She closed her eyes through his kisses to her body, his hands skimming over her quickly, caressing, but barely touching.

She heard the rasp of the tent's entrance opening a fraction, and heard Korella's fast aroused breaths, and felt Kanaan's eager rush of movement. The bed dipped to Teyla's right as Korella, smelling overly strong of kita flowers, laid beside her. Kanaan's body warmth shifted off Teyla, but his arm slid around her, holding her against him still.

Teyla closed her eyes tighter, wishing her ruus haze deeper as she listened to the passionate kisses beside her, Korella's gasps and eager demands of Kanaan.

One of Kanaan's hands caressed across her body as he kissed Korella, but Teyla relaxed her body, playing sleep and drunkenness so she would be left out of anything further.

A woman's body did not interest her and she still could not seem to find the excitement she should for Kanaan. Perhaps the night's ghosts were too much, perhaps the ruus wine really had dulled her senses too much, or perhaps it was just the fact that it was always this way now.

Kanaan did not seem to care about her lack of involvement, and when she rolled onto her side away as if in sleep, he slid away from her entirely and Teyla was left to listen to the grunts and rocking of the bed under her that made her struggle to keep her composure.

She woke the next morning to the sunlight glowing through the tiny spaces between the stitching of the tent ceiling overhead. Kanaan was already awake and Korella was dressing. Her lips were red and full, and it was clear they had been exchanging kisses while Teyla had still slept. Korella left with quiet smiles.

Alone again, Kanaan seemed cheerful, but concerned that she had not enjoyed last night, concerned that she was upset to have been left out of the proceedings. Teyla replied that she had not wished involvement and that if the intention was another Athosian child, then her involvement had hardly been necessary. She had implied that perhaps he would wish to be alone with Korella in the future. He had reminded her that appearances were important and though a third person in the bedroom was not frowned upon by others, it was expected that she remain present and that it was to be kept private.

He suggested that perhaps Korella might visit them in Atlantis, after all Torren may have a sibling in the future now and he should get used to Korella's presence.

Teyla reminded him that appearances in Atlantis were just as important, but that Korella could visit, occasionally, at agreed times. If it would help their relationship by making him happier then she would allow it to continue, under her terms as well as his.

They returned to Atlantis later that day, and Teyla had slept alone that night, after all she had an early mission to start tomorrow. Back into the controlled, work focused life.

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>TBC<p> 


	4. Secrets Revealed

**Secrets Revealed**

The woman had been in Atlantis before, several times over the last few months.

John didn't know her name, but he had noticed that Teyla wasn't all that happy with her. She was still polite, and spoke nicely enough about the woman, but John saw something there.

He had spent far too much time watching her to miss the clear signs.

Ronon had said he didn't know anything about the other Athosian woman.

Until after a trip to New Athos and suddenly Ronon didn't want to talk about the her anymore. Sparked by the lure, John had asked Ronon again, but Ronon had been dismissive, forcing John into silence in their sparring with fast violent attacks, and then afterwards Ronon just shrugged away his answer. But, John could read Ronon too.

That part inside John that obsessed over Teyla, which circled far too willingly through unbidden and unacceptable desires, latched onto anything relating to Teyla.

He pestered Ronon.

"You sure you're not just hiding some Athosian fling you've got going on?" John joked.

Ronon shrugged, glancing down at the last of his meal. The breeze off the ocean was getting colder with the changing season. "Not my type."

"Whose type is she?" John asked.

Ronon focused on plucking individual grapes from the massive bunch on his tray. "Why should I care?" He definitely knew something, but was pretending he didn't.

"She's probably babysitting Torren," Rodney had suggested.

The empty seat next to John made that point mute – Teyla had Torren this morning while Kanaan helped with some trade negotiations. So why was the woman still here?

"Or she's one of Teyla's sparring partners," Rodney added.

John had watched Ronon's face and had seen the faint twitch in his expression. Ronon was good at creating an angry or indifferent mask over his expression, but John had seen through it now.

After breakfast and a meeting, they were off duty for a couple of hours until Teyla was free for a mission. John followed Ronon back to his quarters and confronted him.

"Something's up with this Athosian woman and you know what it is," John stated. "It's bothering Teyla, I don't know why, but it is. Who is she?"

Ronon had turned his back and set about rearranging his weaponry leant against one wall. "I don't know her."

"But you know what's going on," Johns stated, trying not to sound angry about the brick wall that was Ronon's wide turned back.

Ronon let out a heavy faintly growling sigh and looked at John over his shoulder.

"Sheppard, let it go." John just looked at him, waiting. "It's not our business." John lifted his eyebrows and didn't bother to go through his 'we're a team' argument.

Ronon sighed again and moved away around his room. "You don't want to know."

This had been delivered softer, too soft and meaningful for Ronon normally. John frowned, but kept waiting, using Ronon's own staring silently technique.

Ronon set his hands on his hips and stared back at John challengingly.

It might have worked normally, but not about this. Not about Teyla. On this subject, John had resources of resilience that were deeper than anything Ronon had.

"Sheppard, its best you don't know," Ronon suggested.

There was far too much understanding in his expression and voice. He knew about John's little obsessive feelings for Teyla. John didn't let that deter him, instead he planted his boots solidly on the floor and crossed his arms, waiting.

Ronon studied him for a few minutes longer and finally sighed and shook his head. John knew he had won, but kept quiet and waited for the answer he had been waiting for.

"According to a few people in the Athosian camp, Korella, the Athosian woman, has been spending time with Kanaan," was all Ronon said.

It was enough.

A dark rage filled John.

"He's cheating on Teyla?"

"Apparently Teyla knows about it," Ronon replied.

"What?" John demanded, the anger raging towards her now. How could she let him? How could Kanaan even _think_ of being with another woman when he had Teyla? How the hell…?

He turned abruptly and strode for Ronon's door.

"Sheppard!" Ronon called. "Sheppard," he repeated as the doors closed behind John.

John kept walking, hearing the doors open again behind him and Ronon's heavy footsteps following him.

Ronon didn't say anything, he just followed John through the corridors.

John didn't know where he was going, he was just walking, angry and absurdly upset.

He clocked that he was hearing towards Teyla's quarters at one point, to confront her about letting Kanaan get away with it. He realised and changed course.

He was almost at Kanaan's quarters when he stopped abruptly in the middle of the empty corridor.

If Teyla knew about this, then what right did John have to beat some sense into Kanaan? It might upset her more.

He had promised himself that he would keep out of her and Kanaan, that he would bury it all, let his pain swim around inside only.

It was rumour anyway, wasn't it? Maybe Ronon was wrong about the Athosian woman.

And John was military commander of Atlantis, he couldn't go beating up people in the city.

It was none of his business.

That fact cut the deepest.

Ronon set a heavy hand on John's shoulder, the grip tightening briefly with understanding and maybe sympathy.

The well of vulnerability threatened to open up again, but John crushed it closed.

He turned, slipping out from under Ronon's hand, and marched in a new direction. Ronon followed quietly.

The Mess Hall was busy, and it made sense because it lunchtime and Teyla usually spent it with Kanaan and Torren before a mission.

John saw them as soon as he entered the room.

The other woman, Korella or whatever she was called, was sat at their table. Next to Teyla.

John stood watching them, conflicted, confused, shocked, disappointed, and angry all at once.

Teyla was nodding to Kanaan in her conversation, but her eyes had that somewhat glazed control she usually had in meetings. Her eyes were brighter alone with the team, or during social evenings. Today, sitting with Kanaan and the other woman, she looked just as she did in meetings.

Kanaan said something and she smiled, but it looked tired. The woman next to her laughed properly, her eyes sparkling towards Kanaan.

Why was Teyla doing this to herself? Was this some twisted Athosian thing?

And if Kanaan could have someone else, why couldn't Teyla?

He shut that thought down quickly. He would never break up a marriage – he had personally seen what that did to families, and it had just been his jealousy that had made him think it.

Teyla looked away from the table and suddenly her gaze met John's eyes. John looked from her to the other woman and then back to her. He didn't try to hide his confusion and his blatant watching.

Teyla looked quickly down and away and then back, her chin held higher. Her pride was hurt and John instantly regretted that he had forced this, even unsaid and unspoken. Ronon had been right - he probably shouldn't know this, because now she would know that he knew.

Pushing down all the confused, hurt and angry feelings, he pretended it hadn't happened. He just smiled at her and pointed at his watch as if just reminding her that the mission was soon, as he often did to her across the Mess Hall.

She blinked and looked down at her watch. Kanaan noticed and looked round. John repeated his watch pointing gesture, smiled a fake smile at the table as a whole, and turned away.

Turning his back on the madness that threatened to confuse and only add more pain into his pit of jealousy and unrequited love.

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>TBC<p> 


	5. Three's A Crowd

**Three's A Crowd**

She had been embarrassed at first, the shame strange for she was not one to allow such feelings. However, that John and Ronon knew…it was painful in an entirely new way.

They said nothing to her. John pretended that everything was normal, almost to the point that she thought he was forcing joviality too hard. It lessened over the days, however, she had found it difficult to look him directly in the eye. She wished that he of all people did not know. She could not bear sympathy from him of all people.

Except she saw no sympathy. He showed nothing other than the excessive normalness he kept going for her, and perhaps also for Rodney who it seemed did not know why there was a new atmosphere over the team. She was grateful that he did not know, for it was one less person she cared for who would not understand.

She had spoken of it once to Ronon, in a silent moment as they packed away their sparring gear, hoping also that he would relay it to John.

"It is not uncommon among our people," she had said to Ronon, her back to him as she filled her bag. He had not asked, but she knew he understood what she was talking about. "Especially now our people are so few in number." She had lifted her bag and turned to face him. There had been some sympathy there, which only made her lift her chin higher. "It is hoped that every Athosian woman will have at least one child," she added.

Ronon had nodded, but she had seen the flicker of disagreement restrained, but still there in his expression. Ronon seemed to accept the situation, though he seemed far less friendly towards Kanaan than before.

John may not have spoken of the situation to her, but she had not missed how he now looked at Kanaan. The anger there was hot and barely restrained. She had feared he would strike Kanaan the first time. She had fixed her eyes on John, knowing he had been able to see her in his peripheral vision. He had had not moved, but the violence in him had worried her.

It had also teased at her, making her wonder at his feelings.

His anger had been palpable and she had feared that she would have to speak with him about it. However, he had controlled himself and had glanced at her only once. The expression had said simply that he was annoyed with her and Kanaan. She preferred that to sympathy. She had not had to speak with him about it, and as the weeks passed, John had stopped trying to be overly happy, and instead a new atmosphere had hovered over the team - denial and the pretence of normality, making it far too similar to her personal life.

Or perhaps it was only her that felt the new atmosphere.

Korella had visited many times, and she had joined them several times on New Athos. She remained without child, but Teyla now suspected that she had real affection, perhaps mostly passion, for Kanaan. He seemed to be brighter in Korella's presence, but then she was so attentive and passionate with him. Teyla had tried to suggest again that they be left alone together, but Kanaan always wanted her with them, keeping with tradition.

During festivals on New Athos, Teyla and Kanaan would retire to their tent, Korella to join them later, and Teyla had begun increasingly to rely on several cups full of ruus wine to relax her enough to tolerate the woman's presence. Kanaan always wanted to make love with Teyla first, and then Korella to join them both, but Teyla had disagreed. She would hold Kanaan and let him kiss and touch her, but then once Korella arrived, Teyla left the bed and busied herself elsewhere. Many times, she now slipped out of the tent, despite it being tradition that she not leave her 'chosen' alone with the extra partner.

It was a farce and she was starting to hate it.

Part of her wished that Korella would just announce to them she was with child and then she could slip into the background, but another part of Teyla knew that was unlikely to happen. Even if Korella was with child, Teyla knew that she would likely only want to be closer with Kanaan.

I was obvious to Teyla more than ever, that she was not enjoying her life with Kanaan. She loved her life in Atlantis and caring for Torren, but she had begun to find excuses not to sleep at all with Kanaan any more.

She had suggested that perhaps he wished instead to be with Korella, for her to be his chosen, but he had argued that they had to stay together for Torren, that it was expected and what he wanted, and that for their people they had to remain together as a family.

"It is clear that you desire Korella and she you, it would be best that you share her bed from now onwards and we will not tell anyone else. No one else need know," she had suggested.

"We have a responsibility to our people, Teyla," he had replied. "You agreed that we would be each other's chosen and that we would move together as a family between Atlantis and New Athos to care for Torren together."

"Yes, I did, but it is clear to us both that we cannot go on the same way," Teyla had stated.

"No, it is not clear to me, Teyla. You are my chosen, and we should remain together. If you are feeling dissatisfied in our bed, then perhaps it is jealousy for Korella."

"Perhaps it would be best if I also took another to satisfy me," she had responded partly from anger.

He had looked shocked. "I would not have another man in our bed."

"But it is alright for me to accept another woman?"

"You said that you were not ready for another child," he replied.

"I am not, but creating a child is not the only reason for lovemaking," she reminded him.

"I only suggested inviting Korella into our bed, from time to time, in order for another Athosian child to be born," he had responded.

"You enjoy far more from her than the prospect of another child," Teyla had pointed out.

He had flushed brightly. "There is nothing wrong with enjoying passion with another."

"Indeed, and if you are able to with another, then I should as well," Teyla had replied. "It is traditionally accepted that both chosen can have extra partners after all." She had not intended the argument on her part, but it had finally felt like some control of her own on the situation.

Kanaan had turned away, considering her logical point.

"You are right," he had replied quietly after a long pause. "It is unfair that I find more passion than you ever have." Teyla had flushed with anger at that point, though she thought he had not intended it harshly.

"Then, as I suggested before, you and Korella can have your time together, and I will find another to share my bed," Teyla had concluded.

Kanaan had turned back to her. "It will not do to have others know of this. Korella's presence with us is known by a few, but at least it is understood that it is for the chance of another Athosian child. When you choose another Athosian man-"

"I did not say I would choose someone from our people," Teyla had interrupted. "There are many strong able men in Atlantis for me to choose from."

One man alone was in her mind though, and despite her arguments for this case, part of her doubted that he would ever agree, but it was the point she was arguing, the chance, however slim.

Kanaan had looked surprised, but then a darker expression crossed his face before it had slid into a frown. "I suppose you are correct. Perhaps it would be easier that way as well, for then less of our people would know."

Teyla had sensed the victory, the first tiny moment of control in her personal life in a long time.

"But, I think it would be best if this happen as with Korella, with both of us there," Kanaan had suggested. "Perhaps when she is with me, your choice could be with you."

Teyla swallowed at the suggestion. It would never happen now, she was sure. The thin hope died quickly, but she still had her point of control to hang onto.

"Why?" She had asked.

"It is tradition after all, and because then we can both be sure that both our choices are safe, secure with the situation, and perhaps it may even bring you and I closer together again."

She had felt repelled by the idea. He was hoping that two couples could mix and merge. If John were ever to agree to this, she could not imagine that he would ever agree to a foursome with Korella and Kanaan. Though, perhaps John was attracted to Korella as much as Kanaan was. The idea flustered her and threatened her cool demeanour as she had negotiated with Kanaan.

"I will agree to the first time being all of us in the same tent, and we will decide what will happen from then onwards," she had suggested. The chances were tiny anyway that this would ever happen. This was semantics now, but perhaps one day another man...

"He must be an honourable man, Teyla," Kanaan had insisted. "Whoever we let into our partnership must be discreet with others and I would hope he would be someone who would think kindly towards you."

"I will choose who it will be, as you chose Korella for yourself," Teyla replied pointedly. Kanaan had glanced away and nodded before he looked back at her.

"I ask that you that you take precautions to make sure that you do not become pregnant with another man. We would need to think carefully how to announce _that_ to our people," he uttered worriedly.

Not for the first time, Teyla had thought of officially breaking from Kanaan. It would break their family, and would be a shock to their people, going against the most basic of family order, but considering the fact that Teyla had gone against many traditions over the years, maybe they would not be too shocked. It was only tradition of behaviour and it was only the more recent need for strong Athosian families that was making her stay as she was.

However, it was not as if that other possible life she wished for held anything potentially better, only more distance from her people if she broke with tradition. Despite her and Kanaan's lack of lovemaking and Korella's involvement, they still worked well together in caring for their son. She enjoyed his company as the friend he had always been. They were good parents for Torren, she felt, and she did not want to split that family unit. Extra partners were never spoken of, but it was at the same time known to be acceptable among their people. That said, as former leader of their people, she should try not to fall into the subject of gossip and ridicule. However, it was clear that many knew about Korella. Unlike Ronon and John, her people had not reacted at all to the change, and she had no idea how many even knew about Korella.

"The longest day is soon to arrive on New Athos. Many from Atlantis will be attending the festival and you could pass on your invitation for that night and I will invite Korella," Kanaan had suggested.

Teyla had held strong. "Perhaps," she had answered. "Now, I am due to collect Torren."

The agreement had been made, but the truth was that she doubted she could force herself to ask John. What were the chances that he would even consider the offer, or perhaps he may laugh at her, or more likely he could be insulted by the invitation. Sexual practices were different for different people, and she had noticed that those of Earth kept their sexual affairs very quiet, or spoke loudly of them. John was clearly of the quiet variety, and she knew that extra partners was not the norm in his culture.

There was, if rumour over the poker table was correct, a threesome in Atlantis. One man and two women, who dated as a threesome and apparently spent their nights all together. It was not an arrangement that Teyla had ever wanted for herself, and she had been pleased to slip away from the bed when Korella arrived. However, the prospect of perhaps having a separate bed close by, in which she could be with her own choice… She would never have thought herself thinking of such a thing, yet here she was somewhat anxious to feel the touch of another.

One other.

Would he even want to touch her, let alone accept such an invitation?

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>TBC<p> 


	6. Invitation

Since some of you asked so nicely - here's another chapter for tonight - enjoy! Oh, and just to let you know, there will be a total of 9 chapters for this fic. Of course, each chapter is getting longer as we go...

00000

**Invitation**

Things had gotten better lately. He had managed to stop wanting to smack Kanaan in the nose or gut, and Teyla had stopped looking like she was watching him carefully.

He had tried to behave normally around her, and somewhere after a week or so, it had gotten a little easier. Mainly because he had been able to pretend it wasn't going on. If he didn't see that Korella woman, or Kanaan too much, John could function normally and not think about what might be going on behind closed doors.

That said, Teyla wasn't herself. The strong 'in control' expression she had been wearing for a while, which now made sense to him, was still in play, but she had begun to soften somewhat.

In fact, one day last week, she had arrived at his quarters to collect Torren and she had remained for about ten minutes just talking like they had used to do. He had really made an effort. It wasn't her fault that he had all these stupid lingering thoughts, and his burning anger with Kanaan for not being satisfied with just her when John couldn't think of anything more perfect than being with Teyla.

Teyla had seemed to be trying to keep their friendship strong and John tried hard to respond. Torren was a good common ground and they used him as the basic subject of conversation other than work, and gradually they were able to feel more relaxed with each other. Kind of.

The big Athosian mid summer do arrived, not that there wasn't nearly always some reason for the Athosians to throw a party, but this was one that Atlantis was usually more directly involved in. It had always been one of the major parties for everyone in the city. It had been the first festival that Atlantis had ever gotten involved in with the Athosians, back on that first planet. About two weeks after establishing their camp on that first mainland, someone had realised that the planet's mid summer day would hit soon and the Athosians had thrown a huge party in celebration. It had helped mend some frayed tensions between the new camp and Atlantis at the time, since they had all but retreated there after being accused of informing the Wraith about Atlantis. It had turned out that it had actually been John and Teyla's fault in that he had found and inadvertently activated her old necklace that had actually been an Ancient detector alerting the Wraith to where the team were.

This year's mid summer party would be particularly big because it was the first after Atlantis had retuned from Earth and everyone was looking forward to it.

John had taken a couple of days off, since he had been working more hours than was necessary lately and Woolsey and the new shrink had noticed. It meant that he could at least have some ruus wine and not worry about having a hangover tomorrow during a shift.

There was also the other issue that Kanaan was there most of the evening, sitting around the same campfire as John's group. John had managed to ignore him and not say anything, but then, once the night had gotten dark, and the torches had burned brightly in the darkness and everyone was drunk and dancing, Korella had appeared at Kanaan's shoulder.

John had watched her smiling past her large bolstered up breasts down at Kanaan. She was clearly leaning against his back as she talked over his shoulder and he had been smiling up at her.

John hadn't realised he had been glaring aggressively until someone had moved in his peripheral vision and he had looked away, to see that it was Teyla. She had disappeared some time ago with Halling, but was back now, walking around the outside of the camp circle, which had almost emptied of other people. When had John missed them leaving?

He looked around at the dancing crowd spread out around the campfires, and spotted Ronon jumping high, his hair flying around his head. There were other visitors from a range of planets, trading friends of the Athosians, which meant that the camp was far busier than it even used to be back before Michael.

He contemplated joining the dancing, which made him realise that he had clearly drunk too much! He had forgotten how hard a kick ruus wine had. He had to have had a good four cups by now – far too much, but clearly not enough to tame the feelings in his chest as he heard Korella laugh lightly across the fire.

He glanced back towards her and Kanaan, only to see that they were walking away with someone else and joining in with the dancing, swaying and jumping to the heavy fast rhythm of the music. Korella was swinging her hips and circling on the spot, giving Kanaan a good view of all of her.

Teyla cleared her throat and John looked round to see that she had sat down in the spot next to him. He had been so intensely staring again that he hadn't noticed her sit down beside him.

He set his ruus cup aside and gave her a smile, hoping that it hadn't been too obvious what he had been thinking.

"Think I've had enough of that," he told her as he pushed the cup further away.

"It is a night of celebration," she replied and lifted her own cup to her lips. She looked a little glazed herself tonight, which wasn't like her.

"What are we celebrating again?" He asked her, his eyes straying to where Kanaan and Korella were dancing with each other, steadfastly pretending they weren't watching each other more than anyone else.

"The longest day of light," Teyla replied as she lowered her cup and looked down into it as she swirled the contents. "A time to celebrate life and bounty." Her explanation sounded hollow and he suspected he had heard the exact same explanation over the last seven years he had known her and attended this festival. Seven years!

He glanced down at his ruus cup again, and considered maybe finishing it after all.

"Seven years," he muttered. "You remember the first one of these? When Ford got drunk on ruus wine?" It was a bitter sweet memory, funny, but also drenched through with the knowledge of what had happened to Ford. They still didn't know exactly what had happened to him, but after so many years without a peep from him, John had to suspect that perhaps Ford wasn't out there anymore.

"Yes, I do," Teyla replied, her smile holding the same painful sweetness and she looked away and John thought he saw a touch of tears in her eyes. He stared at her profile, at her wide beautiful eyes staring off into the dancing people lit in the darkness by fiery torches. She blinked rapidly and the hint of wetness was gone, and he wondered if it had ever been there. He looked back down to his abandoned ruus cup. He wasn't one to fall on drink to help deal with things, but sometimes you just needed something to help you relax and forget, just for a little while.

"I seem to recall that you drank far too much ruus wine that night as well," she said, returning to their conversation as she looked back round at him.

"Me?" John asked pointing to himself with a grin. "Never."

She grinned at that and his mood lifted with her smile.

"It seems such a long time ago now," Teyla said more seriously as she looked away again.

John watched her for a few seconds, waiting for the rest of what she was going to say, but there was nothing else. He looked off in the direction she was looking and wasn't surprised to see Kanaan and Korella. They were further into the dance area now, but he could still see them dancing beside each other, their hips grazing each other's in the tight press of people. He wanted to haul Kanaan out of the crowd and smack him one.

"Why do you stand for it?"

The question slipped from John's lips without approval from his brain, and he wished he hadn't asked, but at the same time, there was a relief and thrill at having actually spoken about this for the first time.

Ronon had said that it was common in some Athosian relationships for there to be extra people, and that especially now with the need for more Athosian kids thanks to their diminished gene pool it was likely there would be couple sharing. However, that hadn't changed John's opinion of it all. He'd had a good opinion about Teyla's people until he had learnt about that. Though he had always seen their focus on tradition and family life, he hadn't realised until lately how Athosians rarely spoke about their personal lives. Maybe that was why Teyla hadn't told them about Kanaan, and maybe why now she had kept her silence about what was going on with her and Kanaan.

As far as John saw it, and admittedly it was as a guy from Earth, it seemed simple - Kanaan was cheating on Teyla, whether she knew or not, it didn't change the man's stupidity and the hurt it must cause Teyla. As much as John had decided to keep his opinion quiet and to stay out of it, his own feelings had bubbled away, and now he had said something out loud he felt better at her hearing his anger on her behalf.

"I do not mind," Teyla replied.

Shocked, John looked away from the dancing couple and stared at Teyla next to him. "What?"

Teyla kept her eyes away from him looking out into the dancing around them. "We agreed to be chosen, but that does not guarantee any true depth of feeling between us. We decided that for the good of Torren and our people's lessened numbers that we would stay together – it is the way of family life. A child binds a couple permanently and those ties need to be strong for the child and for the camp as a whole. However, that does not guarantee that there will be any great passion…or love…"

Her voice had been become quiet, more private, but the inside of John's head and heart had become blindingly louder. Everything he had assumed about her and Kanaan, it was all going up in smoke. She hadn't even been happy.

"But you two, you've looked…happy?" He asked her, being bold now, bolstered by the ruus wine and the fact that she was talking about this with him finally. A part of him just didn't want to know the details, but so far the details were so different than what he had expected he had to keep asking. He had to know as much as he could, anything about her…

She had looked round at him, and in the dark, her eyes seemed deeper and fuller. The pounding drums, rising strings and singing and laughter all became background noise around them as his world slimmed down into just her and him talking.

"He remains a good friend of mine, but…" she said and glanced back down at her cup. She had never shared like this with him before, and John had to wonder if it was the ruus or the situation that had finally made her talk about this.

"It's not working," John concluded for her, guessing and hoping.

"In some respects it is, in that we are good parents together, our friendship is strong enough, but the more…personal side is not as it should be," her eyes meeting his and then looking down to the dying fire in front of them.

John turned slightly on the log seat to look at her more directly. "I don't understand the Athosian chosen thing – are you two properly married?" He had assumed this, but hadn't wanted to ask directly. He wasn't sure if the question was rude or whatever, but he had his chance to understand finally.

She looked back at him, the firelight reflected in her dark eyes. He thought he saw some relief in her at talking about this as well, and the warm feeling of friendship that existed between them made him feel slightly more relaxed and confident in being about to talk about this with her.

"It is not as official as marriage, but it is the creation of a family unit. It is rarely broken and it has underpinned Athosian life for all generations that can be remembered. With so many of our people being taken by the Wraith, strong family connections have always been important. A proper mating marriage ritual is unusual for we know that lives are short in our galaxy and it is unfair to expect one person to always remain with another."

"Is that why she's here now?" John asked, gesturing in Korella's vague direction. "Because there can be more than one woman in an Athosian relationship?"

Teyla glanced away to the dancing and Kanaan's direction, who had moved away from Korella slightly, perhaps having decided it was becoming obvious that they had been dancing together. Teyla looked back to John.

"It is not unusual for extra partners to be involved in chosen relationships, however such situations usually have to be accepted by the chosen couple and both are present."

John felt his mouth drop open and unbidden thoughts entered his head. "You mean…" he said quietly and glanced away and back to her.

Teyla met his eyes.

"You mean you're there when they…"

She nodded.

John took a breath and felt the flush in his cheeks, but the ruus helped him to ask his next question.

"Do you…?" He couldn't actually get the rest of the question out, perhaps because his brain was too busy trying not to picture anything he shouldn't.

"Join them?" She asked with a smile now, but he saw the flush to her own cheeks even in the firelight.

John nodded.

"No, not with her," Teyla answered and John let out a breath and some of his mind relaxed at not picturing…that. "Kanaan would have me join in, but I do not enjoy a woman's body as I do a man's."

John felt his whole body flush now and he had to glance away from Teyla to kerb his reaction. Any control he had had on his wayward thoughts was lost now, and it wouldn't matter anyway because his blood was leaving his brain and heading south. Normally just thinking about her in any sexual situation could…

He focused on the negative things to distract himself. It took a few seconds of thinking about Wraith and strangling Kanaan until he felt able to look round at her without saying something he shouldn't. He needed to focus on the anger.

"So, he wants a threesome or if not, you've got to be there while he gets it on with another woman?" He asked, a little more harshly than he intended.

"It is not uncommon in our people, the partner's presence is a way of ensuring that things do not get…unseemly," she replied.

"They get more unseemly?" John asked without thinking.

Teyla actually smiled at that though, and he was relieved. This was hardly a comfortable conversation, but it was actually a relief, because he realised only now how they had very carefully stayed away from discussing sex before. He had put it down to the keeping personal things private Athosian sensibility, but she seemed willing to talk with him now, relaxed enough even to smile faintly at her situation, and there was something arousing in talking with her like this. Sitting, talking about things he had tried never to think about in his head before, because that would be tormenting himself beyond simple emotional pain.

"It was a way of ensuring that unwanted pregnancies did not happen," Teyla explained.

"Ah, I see," John replied, the concept making a bit more sense to him logically, but surely that couldn't have been fun. "Brings a whole new meaning to using the withdrawal method."

Teyla's eyes widened as she realised what the term meant and she grinned and looked away. The new flush to her cheeks made her look even prettier than normal. He looked away himself, needing to break the atmosphere over his thoughts and to persuade his blood to head in a more northerly direction again, hopefully to fill up his brain some more. He glanced off towards Kanaan in the crowd again. Ronon had said that apparently the Athosians wanted as many kids as possible. He looked back to Teyla.

"That's hardly an issue now is it?" He asked and she angled her head in vague agreement. He took a breath. "Ronon says that she wants to get pregnant."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, and Kanaan wants another child."

John frowned at that. "And you don't want another one."

"Not with him," she replied immediately. "At least, I mean that I am not ready to have another child yet. I have important work to do in Atlantis." She met his eyes and he smiled in agreement with her, but he hadn't missed her first telling answer.

He could understand that tradition was important to her and her people, and there were enough similar examples back on Earth - women having to get married against their will and divorce never an option. However, as he saw it, Teyla was stuck in an almost marriage with someone she wasn't in love with and who clearly wasn't in love with her either.

"Why do you stay with him?" John asked her directly.

She looked into the campfire flickering low in front of them. "For Torren, for my people," she said looking out across the camp around them.

"And what about what you want?" He asked, pushing her now.

She smiled faintly at that and looked round at him.

"They are things that are important to me, but," she replied, her eyes locking with his for a long beat before she looked away again. "Kanaan and I have discussed that very point, and we have agreed to try to keep things stable, at least on outwards appearances, for Torren and our people, but to make some changes in our relationship."

John listened intently, watching her dark eyes slide to meet his again.

"I have decided that if Kanaan can have what he needs from another, then so can I."

John's heart hammered loudly in his ears.

She glanced away as she sighed out her breath, as if pouring out some tension she had been holding onto. John was glad she wasn't looking at him now, because he was sure he looked as shocked as he felt and his brain was working against him again. After all he had gone through hating himself for not making a move of his own, of her not wanting him, now…

"However," she said with a faint frown, her eyes watching the tips of the flames, "it is perhaps a difficult thing to ask of someone outside of our people. For whoever that I invite, he would to be present in the tent with Kanaan and Korella, at least initially, as with tradition."

She wasn't quite looking at him, but her head was turned slightly, directing her words towards him. And perhaps the meaning.

John's mouth was dry and he almost reached for his remaining ruus, but he feared moving would break the moment and possibly what he thought was going on.

Was this really happening? Or was he reading far too much into her words, in the way she was angling her head, and the tone of her voice?

"It is a lot to ask of someone, even if I hoped that they felt an attraction to me and were willing to enter into such a strange arrangement."

She was still looking ahead and John could see she was somewhat uncomfortable, but he couldn't say anything to her, because there was too much in his own head – images mostly, pieces of fantasies and dreams, but in them, to one side Kanaan and Korella dancing away to the music together. Okay, it wouldn't be like that, but…

Was Teyla even asking him? Was she just asking his advice, as her friend, and he was being selfish and reading himself into her invitation.

"I would imagine that it would be an unusual and perhaps uncomfortable situation for someone from Earth, and I suspect they would not accept my invitation," she asked and looked round at him properly meeting his eyes and John swallowed.

She looked away again, "But I would still offer the invitation," she said and stood up.

John opened his mouth to say something, but again, stupidly, nothing came out.

She turned to step over the log seats. "It has been a good festival, but I believe I have had too much ruus wine."

John suddenly suspected that the ruus wine was to help her get through the night with Korella and Kanaan going at it beside her. The anger bubbled again, at Kanaan, at Athosian tradition, and at Teyla herself for going along with her people's ways. But, the anger died quickly as he watched her step out over the log seats. She was leaving, back to her tent, back to her bed, back to his only chance…

"I will see you tomorrow, John," she said, her hand touching against his shoulder.

John met her eyes, seeking out if the invitation had been real, had she really just offered him what he thought she had?

This time she met and held his gaze and she smiled softly, but there was that somewhat embarrassed softness there again. "Good night," she repeated and turned away.

"Night," he said automatically, but already part of him wanted to follow her.

Had she really just…?

Her eyes had said yes, and a very physical response in him told him his honest answer to the invitation. For so long he had wanted to be with her, and suddenly, so abruptly, he had a chance, maybe. But, what had she offered? A night in bed with Kanaan and Korella there? What was that?

A chance to be with her was what it was.

And what if he was wrong, or what if…

He watched her walk away into the crowd and towards Kanaan.

The Athosian man saw her and stopped his dancing to meet her. His forehead was glistening with sweat and as he talked with Teyla he glanced off towards where Korella danced. John narrowed his eyes angrily at him, but of course Kanaan didn't see – he was too excited about his chance to get his two women in bed at once. Except Teyla didn't want that, instead she had, possibly, just asked John instead.

He watched as she and Kanaan turned and walked through the dancing, clearly heading towards the camp's tents. The dancers had thinned out, John realised. It was later than he had realised, but since most of Atlantis personnel could stay here, he didn't worry about getting back to the city. He had planned to sleep in the camp, which he had done for the last couple of festivals. It was nice, kind of like camping.

Not tonight though. Tonight…

Teyla looked over her shoulder back towards John and she saw that he was watching her. She was too far away for him to see her expression now, but he felt a crazy mix of feelings. Angry for her again, sympathy for her choices, and a very real heated arousal. Was this really happening?

Teyla and Kanaan disappeared into the tents. Theirs was towards the far left, out of the main group of tents that were permanently occupied. John knew where their tent was, what it was like inside, because he had looked after Torren in there a few times and had helped Teyla carry some bits of furniture there out of Atlantis storage. Even in the dark moonlight, he could easily find it.

He looked away towards Korella, to see that she was looking off in the direction Kanaan had left as well, but she wasn't following yet. She hung her head back and danced with more abandon. John guessed appearances had to be kept after all, just as Teyla said.

He looked sharply away from the woman and back down to his ruus cup.

What the hell was he going to do?

If he went to their tent…he couldn't let himself think about that too much, but he could think about consequences regardless of his ruus wine goggles.

She was his teammate, his friend – all that would be shattered surely. But, he had wanted her for so long…

That deep wanting place inside had him closing his eyes. He had wanted this for so long, had imagined kissing her, and… For the first time ever, he let himself think about those fantasies without chastising himself. He let them all rush forward. If nothing else, this was the chance to at least allow that outlet.

And what if he went to the tent? What if this would be it, a one night stand with her. Could he stand that? Would it ruin their friendship? Ruin their team? What if they weren't good together? What if it killed all his dreams? What if they were great together? What if…?

He opened his eyes to the light of the campfire and reached for his cup with the last of his ruus wine in it.

He looked round to see that Korella had moved, in fact she was making her way through the crowd, in the direction of the tents. He looked down into his cup, down into the one shot's worth of false courage inside.

Who was he kidding?

He gulped down the ruus and stood up.

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>TBC<p> 


	7. Love Revealed

**Love Revealed**

There were two beds in the tent tonight, giving Teyla some of her own space away from the couple.

She thought of them that way now.

As she had turned her back to Korella's arrival, busying herself with folding up her clothes, the sensation of being trapped had been unavoidable.

How had she reached this point?

In playing the roles that she was expected to, she was now stood with her back to the couple, wishing away the sounds and the brightness of the candlelight within the tent.

The foolishness and the inevitability of her choices struck her so painfully.

It had been especially obvious to her when speaking with John, in seeing his shock and disbelief at her current situation. In him she had seen her choices and current situation reflected clearly back to her.

She had then taken the first step towards changing her life; she had extended her invitation to John.

In talking with him tonight, sat alone with him around that campfire, talking so openly, she had found the courage easily enough. Tonight he had sat turned towards her, listening to her closely, wanting to understand and she had felt deeply connected with him.

Sat talking so honestly and frankly with him had drawn forth all her restrained feelings, yearnings and wishful imaginings. It had all felt palpable and so potentially real in the firelight with him. It had tempted her into suspecting that in John's eyes, and in his reactions to her story, she had truly seen a reflection of her own desires.

However, it had not been only potential desire that she had felt. In his reaction and questions, she had seen the reflection of herself as he saw her, and as the woman she was in everything else. A woman strong, determined, honest, and proud of herself and her life - a version of herself that she had almost forgotten, having let herself slide behind so many duties.

In speaking with John, she had glimpsed clearly that other tempting potential, a life of her own once again, to still be the mother she was, yet retain her independence and emotional honesty.

It was all crystal clear for her now as she sat on the far side of her own separate bed.

She would not remain as she was, living in the shadow of her former self.

Yet, she did not stand and walk out of the tent. One reason alone kept her here tonight.

It was a test perhaps.

She had to know, had to allow one last moment of weakness. To remain here in the tent and to wait for his choice.

At least then she would know.

Behind her, the other bed rocked loudly. She stood up and padded on bare feet towards the closest collection of candles.

She focused on extinguishing all but the largest, and then continued towards the last collection, close to the entrance flap to the tent.

Regrets, faint embarrassment, determination, and painful hope all warred inside as she set about extinguishing these candles as well. She did not care that Kanaan and Korella may wish more light. She did not look round at them, for before in the past when she had done so, she had seen Kanaan's attention slide to her. He had invited her to join them several times, sometimes with no more than a look and smile. She believed he thought she would change her mind eventually and join them one night, but on this she had always been steadfast. It may be acceptable to some, enjoyed by many of her people before, but for her it did not interest her.

She leant forward and breathed out across the small candles supported up high in a stand near the entrance. A tall thick pillar of a candle remained, this wide flame flickering in response to her nearby breath.

She watched it dance, watching the light it cast against the tent wall.

The flame vibrated and danced again, this time in response to the faint breeze that she could feel around her legs. She had chosen to wear only a long nightshirt tonight, and her bared legs felt sensitive to the cool summer night's breeze.

She looked at the faint strip of space that was barely visible at the edge of the entrance flap, through which the breeze entered as the flap was not securely closed. It was not necessary in the camp to shut oneself tightly away, but when the weather was inclement, or those inside wished for complete privacy, the entrance flap could be securely closed.

Korella never secured the entrance flap behind her whenever she arrived, but tonight Teyla would leave it that way.

She was waiting, but for how long?

Second thoughts troubled her. She had altered so much with her indirect yet obvious invitation. Why had she taken such a risk? It would forever change her friendship with John, and if he were not to appear, to ignore her invitation, there was no way for her to pretend she had not invited him.

That did not stop her from wanting. After all, she had considerable experience in doing so when it came to John.

Speaking with him so closely and honestly earlier had made it so abundantly clear that he could arouse her senses even with just conversation. Kanaan had never been able to do that. She had not thought it necessary before, but tonight, just the thought of John thinking of joining her…

Her soft nightshirt felt rough against her breasts and her breath felt heavy across her lips.

She should have gone to him she realised. She should have set her people's ways aside properly and approached him more decisively.

She would willingly fight Wraith, face off against a Queen, yet when it came to John, she knew she was weak. She was vulnerable.

What if she went to him now? She could slip out of the tent, go back to the edges of the remaining celebration and he would see her there…

The faintest suggestion of movement through the slither of space at the entrance flap drew her eye.

Her breath hitching, she reached out one hand towards the space. Pushing the flap aside slightly, she revealed the night and the shape of him outside.

He reached in towards her, the candlelight glowing over his familiar hand as his fingers slid around her forearm, sliding down to her wrist, to her hand, and gently he pulled her out towards him.

She pushed aside the entrance flap as she stepped out of the tent, out into the cool summer air and towards his moonlit outline. His encouragement towards his warm body with his other hand around her waist was not needed, for she was reaching for him, his familiar scent surrounding her as she rose up on her toes, sliding her hands around his neck as she pressed her mouth to his.

The touch of lips, of body against body, was electrifying, and she pushed up further against his weighted kiss, seeking to absorb the moment as fully as she could. His hands slid around her, his arms encircling her, pulling her closer to him.

His mouth tasted of ruus wine, rich and intoxicating, and so shockingly real. One of his hands tangled in her hair as he pushed their kiss deeper and she held him tighter, crushing them together.

He had come to her.

John.

She broke her lips from his and then they were embracing tighter, his nose and mouth pressed tightly in against the side of her throat and her cheek into the crook of his neck, tight handfuls of the back of his shirt in her hands.

He was here.

She struggled against the rush of emotions that threatened to overwhelm her. She had not realised how much this meant to her; how much his being here filled the hollowness that she had been living with for so long.

The dark yearnings breaking into the light.

"Anywhere but in there," he whispered against the side of her neck. "Just us alone."

She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the touch of tears in her eyes as she nodded within the warmth of their close embrace.

He stroked the back of her hair, lovingly, in a way that Kanaan had never touched her before, even in the quietest and most intimate of moments.

"All the tents are full tonight," she whispered to him, becoming aware of the music still playing through the air in the distance, the festival occupying all the camp tonight.

He shifted in her embrace, his arms sliding from around her, except for one warm hand that slid down her arm and grasped her hand again. He turned, stepping away as he tugged gently on her hand.

She tangled her fingers with his and followed him away from her old tent, out through the others, the moonlight their only guide.

0000  
>TBC<p> 


	8. Long, Slow and Sexy

**Long, Slow, and Sexy**

There were still people moving around the camp, the celebrations continuing, but she and John went unseen, slipping between the tents, moving quietly hand in hand.

They reached the outer edge of the camp and they both paused, peering out around the outlying tents. Teyla looked out to the left, towards the firelight of the party, as John checked the other way. She gripped John's hand in warning as she saw someone stagger out from the tree line in the distance. Someone having answered the call of nature, but who was now heading back towards the party.

"Lieutenant Martins," John whispered with amusement in his voice. "Way too much ruus wine."

Teyla grinned into the moonlight and glanced further out to watch Martins almost stumble over some twigs on the ground. He muttered something as he swayed on his feet, but continued on out of view.

The way clear, she and John hurried across the open strip of grass to the tree line ahead. She was barefooted, but she was used to walking barefoot. She could walk on hardened ground and over stones with little more than a faint wince, and tonight the faint damp coolness of the grass under her feet and around her ankles was strangely livening.

They reached the dark engulfing shadows of the trees and, without speaking, they continued on, moving further into the forest, both of them knowing that there could be many more than just Lieutenant Martins among the trees who may be responding to the call of nature.

John's hand was tight around hers, his body warm right beside her as they tracked through the trees expertly together, a natural skill from their years of experience in working silently together though many dangerous situations. This was hardly a dangerous mission, but they responded with the same tactics as they quickly moved through the narrow space between trees over the uneven ground further into the forest.

Over a faint rise, the ground evened out and they paused. There was no one to be seen around, the forest was quiet and empty, with only patches of moonlight filling the wider spaces between the trees.

Teyla tugged on John's hand, leading the way now that she recognised where she was and where they could go to be alone.

They moved further into the forest, saying little other than whispers over their direction and warnings from him over things he thought could hurt her feet.

Soon enough they approached the small secluded area she knew. She sometimes sat there alone, within a close semi-circle of wide thickly canopied trees, her back pressed against one that had fallen some time ago.

She saw the large trees that outlined the niche and the fallen trunk beside them. She pointed to it and they moved quickly towards it.

Her body felt flushed and warm, her breasts heavy under her shirt and her bare legs tingled with sensation in the cool air.

They reached the fallen tree and she moved to climb up over it, but John pushed ahead of her, stretching one long leg over it and, before she could say anything, his hands slid under her upper arms and he lifted her up. The impressive display of strength thrilled her as she was lifted over the tree, her hands tight on his strongly flexed upper arms. He lowered her on the other side, stepping over the tree completely himself, but his hands did not leave her. Instead, his warm hands lingered in the tight space between her inner arms and the outer swells of her breasts. She drew in a full breath of night air as she looked up at him, only for him to press up closer, turning them and the warm press of a tall wide tree met her back.

She let out a loud breathy gasp as their bodies met again as he pressed closer, pushing her gently back against the tree, and their lips met eagerly once more.

The silence of the forest was lost to her behind the rushing of her blood through her veins as the kiss lengthened, as the prolonged exploration and glorious passion swept up all her senses in the shared seduction. It was a deeply mutual kiss, a meeting of lips and tongues, breaths mixing in the fraction of pauses before more kisses continued. She ran her hands through his hair, along his sharp angled jaw and across his cheeks to slide back down his neck again, glorying in the satisfaction, the pleasure and arousal of simply touching him.

The passion rose higher, a fire burning now hotter and faster, leaving her unaware of anything other than his body hot against hers, his mouth wet and eager against her own, and the pervading light-headedness that spoke of how aroused she was.

Halfway between clinging and grasping, she caught up big handfuls of his shirt, pulling it up, releasing and capturing more fabric in turn, until she could pull it up over his head and he released her briefly to tug himself feel of it. She dropped the warmed through fabric with disregard as she watched the moonlight slide over his bared chest, the dappled light casting over muscular shoulder, broad chest and flat stomach, stealing her breath and drying her mouth with desire.

He pressed himself tightly back against her, one forearm against the tree by her shoulder, trapping one of her arms high up over her head as she had freed him from his shirt. She stretched her arm up higher, the back of her hand against the smooth warm living tree bark, as John slid his free hand up under her nightshirt, caressing up her side in one smooth sliding stroke up to one of her breasts. His mouth slid from hers, allowing her a gasped breath as he caressed his entire palm over her breast, warming it through and teasing her hardened nipple.

"John," she whispered in passionate relief and need at the touch.

He pressed kisses across her cheek to her ear and she tightened her grip of his shoulders, lifting one leg around his hip as their mouths met again. Attempting to press as close to him as she could, she lifted up higher on her toes, and one of his hands slid around her raised leg, pulling it higher. Their differing heights became apparent, but in a mutual decision, their lips parted and his hands slid down to her hips. He lifted her weight up again, that easy strength displayed so perfectly again and arousing her hotly as she wrapped both her legs around his middle.

The new position was enticing, as were his hands pushing her shirt up, bunching it up under her arms, before his head dipped, his hot wet mouth sliding down over the swell of her left breast to surround her nipple with his hot wet mouth.

She rocked herself against him, feeling her own response dampening through her underwear she was so eager for him, her lower body clenching internally, begging for the joining with him that every cell in her body desperately yearned.

She stretched her hands down the wide muscular expanse of his back, highlighted in the dappled moonlight. She dug her nails into the back of his shoulder blades as he teased the tip of his tongue over the peak of her nipple, his breath teasing against her sensitised skin.

He took as much of her breast as he could into his mouth once more, sucking and licking, before suddenly releasing her nipple from his hot mouth, the cool air rousingly sharp against her wet skin. She gasped and dropped her gaze as he looked up at her. His eyes were glazed and so deep, wide and dark, and full of desire. She grasped one side of his jaw and pressed her open mouth to his.

It was a ragingly passionate kiss, verging on pure carnal want.

One of his hands slid around her hip, cupping one side of her backside before slipping lower and his fingers pressed up against her dampened underwear. His fingers pressed and circled, and she rubbed against the wonderful massage, but it only lasted a few moments longer before his fingers slid away. She pulled her mouth from his, groaning with objection, but his fingers had only slid a short distance away, just far enough to grip the edge of her underwear. A sharp tug and the loud sound of ripping material had her tightening her own grip on him. The act, and the sound, was so elementally primal, that she sought out his eyes, holding his gaze as he tugged once more and the last threads breaking and the torn fabric of her underwear fell loose around her leg.

Cool night air rushed against her damp sensitised intimate folds, arousing her even further even before his fingers returned. She whimpered, her head back against the tree behind her as he massaged again, probing, circling, and she gasped his name, her eyes tightly closed.

He whispered her name reverently as his fingers penetrated up into her, forcing space for him, her internal grip parting and welcoming around him. He retreated and then pressed deeper still, teasing, readying. She wanted no skill, no elegance, all she wanted was more, harder, and to have him fill her entirely. She was barely capable of language now, but he understood what she wanted, perhaps he felt it in her response, or perhaps it was also the shaking tension in his shoulders under her hands.

He pulled his hand from her, his wet fingers sliding around one of her legs, holding her in place as his other hand sought out the clasp of his belt. As he freed his button and fly at the front, she ran her hands down under the waistband of his loosening trousers. He reached down further, tearing free his sidearm's holster, and between her pushing and a twist of his hips, his trousers and underwear dropped from around his hips.

She gripped his back and pressed her own upper back further back against the tree for support as they quickly adjusted their position. One arm around her waist, as he breathed fast and needy, he reached down and guided them together.

She had no fear of infection with him for, like her, he was tested frequently for any condition to make sure they were save for missions, and she had no fear of pregnancy since she had been taking Earth contraceptive medication. So, it was with only willing and excited anticipation that she felt the first touch of his manhood against her. She shifted with him, widening her legs around him slightly and pressed down over him.

He filled her slowly, wider than Kanaan, but not to the point of pain. She held still, the moment swelling through her, and he held her securely with both hands and looked up to meet her gaze.

He pushed up further into her, watching her to be sure he wasn't harming her, but also with a sudden intense overwhelming emotion between them.

She slid one hand around his shoulders and up to his cheek again, cupping one side of his face, brushing her thumb across his skin close to his parted swollen lips.

He pushed up further into her as he pressed his body closer to hers, and as more of her weight sank down, she finally took all of him inside of her.

She held onto his cheek, their mouths panting against each others creating even more of an intimacy to the moment as their bodies were locked together, her arms and legs tightly around him.

"Oh, God, Teyla," he panted quietly, his voice shaking and deeper than normal.

She could feel the beginnings of her impending release already, could feel herself tightening around him, spasming with nothing more than his presence and the shared moment.

She lifted her legs higher around him, bumping her knees against his arms, and he leant her further against the tree, pulling himself partly from her to push deeply back inside her. She clasped him tightly, grinding down against him as he repeated the half thrust.

She felt the promise on the edge of her approaching orgasm, and she deserted all restraint, her moaned cries rushing from her lips, all care lost now into the night.

He pulled her closer to him, squeezing both his arms around behind her back. With more leverage now, and with her own hold on him, he could thrust more freely and the rhythm rocked her faster between his chest and his arms protecting her from the tree behind her.

She begged him loudly, pouring out her words of love and need, gripping his arms, his shoulders and back tightly, squeezing his flesh in her hands and digging her nails into his skin.

His mouth against her throat, he breathed her name with his panting breath, his fast rhythm faltering.

Her release exploded into life, tearing a cry of abandon from her, her head rocked back, uncaring who might hear. She clung to him as he pushed through her tight massage of him, until he buried deep, her legs tight around his waist and her chest panting against his chin, as he held still, fighting against his release.

She reached down to his jaw, cupping both sides in her dampened hands and she lifted his face back into view, into the moonlight, and she hovered her panting open mouth over his.

"Just us," she whispered to him. "Just us," she repeated as she pressed her kiss to his mouth, biting slightly as he groaned, thrust again and shuddered violently in her grip.

She pulled back enough to look into his eyes as he released his seed into her. He held their eye contact, only breaking it slightly as his eyes almost rolled back in his head, but he blinked and focused on her again, his gaze betraying more emotion than she had ever seen from him before.

She knew there were tears in her eyes, but she did not fear them, she simply caressed John's cheek as he held her gaze a moment longer, before all the last elements of tension rushed from his body, his forehead dropping to rest against her neck.

He leant heavily against her, his arms behind her supporting much of his weight, but he would be not able to stand much longer holding up her weight and his own against the tree. She loosened her legs fractionally, letting him know that he could let go of her, but he held her closer, one hip hitching up slightly to keep her leg around it. His arms at her back tightened and he pulled her away from the tree, the night air arriving against her mostly bared back, as he stepped back and around, wavering only slightly with his trousers around his ankles, before he sat down onto the fallen tree trunk.

She smiled in delight at his loud relieved sigh as he sat down with her. She loosened her legs from around him, stretching them out on either side of his waist to force out the first touches of impending cramp, and then relaxed them down around his hips, her heels resting against the far side of the trunk.

John was still breathing fast, but felt deeply relaxed in their embrace, so she rested her cheek against his hair and simply held him in turn, her body glowing with pleasure and love.

Her decision on her life's path had already begun to form before he had arrived at her tent, but now, she knew, nothing would ever be as it was ever again.

And she was happy for it.

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>TBC<br>P.S – Okay so the title prompt was more inspiration than descriptive ;)


	9. Privacy

**Privacy**

In an unknown dark place in the New Athosian forest, John sat, his body unbelievably warm and comfortable, Teyla sat astride his lap, her arms around his shoulders and one of her hands absently, soothingly, stroking the back of his head.

He would happily stay like this forever.

The air was cool and the world relatively quiet around them. He couldn't hear anything human moving around, just small things moving through the tree tops and rustling around in the brush. They were completely alone.

Faintly in the distance, he realised he could still hear some drumming, the party still going for some people, but for him, it was Teyla's steady breathing that was his music. He listened to her breaths, feeling the gentle expansion of her chest within his arms, and the combined scent of them lingered around him.

He didn't think overly much, he just felt, just listened and enjoyed.

After some unknown passage of time, he became aware of the chill across Teyla's back and he dipped his chin to look down into the small space between their upper bodies. Her breasts, full and beautifully tipped with dark nipples, were faintly raised with the chill so he pulled her closer, pulling those nipples right up against his chest, warming her. He lifted his chin from her throat and wrapped his arms further around her, covering as much of her as he could, shifting her closer in his lap.

Her arms moved around his shoulders and he felt her breath against his temple.

The reality of the situation beyond the forest returned in full force, and he could feel the first touches of tension sneaking back into his body.

He had felt that tension throughout his entire body when he had stood outside her tent earlier, desperately wishing he couldn't hear the sounds of Kanaan and Korella getting it on, clear enough for anyone to hear.

He had stood hesitantly outside the tent, knowing what he wanted, but also hating the situation, and he had begun to have doubts. That he had known Teyla was inside, that she might just have truly asked him to join her – that had kept him there, struggling against his own feelings, but also with boundaries that he had thought would have been easier to step over.

The light inside the tent had lowered as candles went out with the sound of a hushed feminine breath and he had seen faint movement just inside the tent's entrance. He had angled his head and caught the tiniest glimpse of bare golden legs just inside.

He had thought that if he could just talk with her again…

The tent's entrance had moved faintly and her face had appeared, looking out at him, her hair pulled back, the single candlelight glowing over her throat and down into the lop cut top of her nightshirt.

Something had finally given way inside him, very willingly and wildly.

He had reached for her and she had stepped out towards him without hesitation.

Once set on the path, he had followed it without any hesitation of his own. He had drawn her away from her shared tent with Kanaan, away from the other full tents, away from Athosian Tradition, away from the others from Atlantis, away from everything.

Just them together, heading out alone, hand in hand, into the forest to be alone.

Like teenage kids looking for a place to make out, they had hurried, amused and aroused, through the trees, watching out for any random Lieutenant Martins' lost drunkenly in the forest. Unlike kids necking though, there were far larger consequences to having given into being alone together, to stepping wholeheartedly into this new territory. He could never pretend that things hadn't changed big time – not that he wanted to. Except…

"I can't share you with him," he whispered against her shoulder.

It was the simple truth, and if deciding to walk to her tent had been stepping out on a limb, then this was even more so.

What if she wouldn't leave Kanaan? What would he do then?

Her hand paused in his hair and pressed closer.

"I suspect he already knows that I will not stay with him," she whispered and John closed his eyes tightly, the relief palpable in his chest.

He opened his eyes. "Will it cause problems with your people?"

"I am already known to have broken from tradition before, and considering how few of our people remain, perhaps tradition needs to change," she replied as she lifted her cheek from his temple, her fingers gently teasing through his hair again.

"And back in Atlantis?" He asked, pushing things, because if they didn't put all their cards on the table now when was there going to be a better more honest chance?

She sat back slightly from their tight embrace, leaning back into his surrounding arms and he absorbed the sensation of holding her. His gaze lowered, trailing down her throat to her lovely golden breasts again, and this time, he knew he was allowed to look. Hopefully, always now… He looked back up at her face to see her smiling at his obvious perusing. He smiled back, letting his appreciation show.

She smiled, looking down at his own chest, trailing her hands across his shoulders. The touch, as well as the approval in her eyes, was one of the most amazing feelings he had experienced in a long time – well, other than holding her, and kissing her, and of course what they had just shared.

"Do you believe we would not be accepted in Atlantis?" She asked with concerned curiosity, and he remembered that he had asked her a question; he had gotten distracted.

He made himself look away from her skin for a few seconds to gather his brainpower back together, which also made him aware of the tree bark digging into his backside. He held onto Teyla as he adjusted himself into a slightly more comfortable position. As he moved, Teyla held onto him, moving with him without even a touch of doubt that he might drop her.

"People will probably think I stole you from Kanaan," he replied, "which is kind of true," he said after a beat, smiling victoriously.

She raised one of her eyebrows in a teasing question.

"It is," he insisted. "If I'd known what an idiot he actually is, and that you've been unhappy, I would have stolen you away earlier."

Both of her eyebrows lifted this time. "Really?" Her wide dark eyes were soft, her smile equally as soft and alluring. The warm teasing surprised smile in her voice only made him feel more relaxed with the conversation.

"He's an idiot," John repeated. "You're clearly the hottest Athosian ever," he told her grinning up at her.

She made a doubtful expression as she rolled her eyes, but she was smiling; she had liked his comment. He could tell in the way she angled her head, the sparkle of extra moonlight in her eyes, and the way she leant closer to him.

"I believe you are biased," she argued.

"No, it's the truth," he insisted, feeling absurdly good at finally telling her exactly what he thought. Though, maybe he would build up to the heavier Love word later. After all, he was sitting bare-assed on a log, with his pants around his ankles. If it wasn't for the fact that he had a near naked smiling Teyla across his lap he might feel awkward, but instead he felt happy, he felt alive.

"You are still slightly intoxicated and satiated from our lovemaking," she replied, her hands caressing across his upper chest.

"Satiated?" he repeated. "I've got plenty of more moves left in me."

She grinned at that, a full smile with teeth, cheek dimple and everything.

"And besides I'm stone cold sober now," he added as he trailed his hands across her back, only to find more chilled skin. "Speaking of cold…" She was barely dressed, having walked barefoot with him through the trees and her nightshirt was bunched up under her arms, and now she was getting properly cold.

She didn't pull her shirt down or get up though, instead, she leant closer to him, her arms sliding around his shoulders. He willingly pulled her closer, excitement and pleasure rising again as he held her to him, pressing her lovely breasts back against his chest. Her hands slid up around his neck and he lifted his mouth towards her descending lips.

Her kiss lit him up inside, cutting straight to that place inside that had been so miserable for so long. That place that simply wanted to be with her, that wanted to love and be loved. To be with Teyla.

There were details to be sorted out about what would happen next – like her breaking up with Kanaan, and how her people would react. Everyone in Atlantis would find out about them, they would have to work out how to be together, how to work, how to live. How Torren fit into it all and perhaps then, they could simply just be together.

But, right now, she was here in his arms, naked, and kissing him to chase away the cold.

The rest would get sorted, because despite his fears, he had been offered another second chance after all.

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>THE END<p> 


End file.
